Toxic Relationships   Poisonous People

Safe Relationships   Soul Connection

 

Are "Toxic" people abusing or exploiting your good nature?

Toxic people are the friends, family or work colleagues who persistently do any of these abusive or manipulative things:

• Constant demands
  
• Constantly putting you down or criticising you - nothing you do is ever good enough
  
• Ignore what you say or do - act as if you do not exist!
  
• Take up more than their fair share of attention, conversation or physical "space"
  
• Talk "about" you, rather than "to" you
  
• Spread gossip or rumours that undermine you
  
• Express in actions, words, tone of voice or body language that you are stupid, ignorant, incompetent or defective. No-one is any of these things all the time - No, not even you! Everyone deserves a break and some compassion for goodness sake.
  
• Make undermining comments about your past errors or shortcomings - giving constant reminders that diminish and denying you any "fresh slate", "fresh start" or acknowledgment of your efforts, intentions or progress towards change.
  
• Drain you of energy, time and other resources, by their constant need for help, advice, sympathy, information, confidence-boosting, rescuing, emotional or financial support, or their "clingy" dependency.
  
• Bully you, manipulate you, pressurize you, or encourage you to have feelings of guilt, inadequacy or inferiority.
  
• Make poisonous remarks that leave you feeling guilty, wounded or traumatized.
  
• Lie to you, deceive you or steal from you
  
• Damage the things that you value - possessions, relationships, your ethical or spiritual values
  
• Do not allow you to live you own life your own way, with your own beliefs.
  

 
How can we avoid or change toxic relationships?
 
Ensuring that we are not bahaving in toxic ways is of course also important! Some key books are:
 
"Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing with People who Make Your Life Miserable"
by Lillian Glass (USA   Canada   U.K. & Europe)

"Toxic Relationships and How to Change Them: Health and Holiness in Everyday Life"
by Clinton McLemore (USA & International   Canada   UK & Europe)

"Safe People - How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those that Aren't" by
Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend (USA & International   Canada   UK & Europe)

 

End - Change - Transform   Dysfunctional Relationships

Love Is Never Enough click for Amazon order pages in.. USA     Canada     U.K. & Europe (all deliver worldwide) Thanks for Being Such a Pain! click for Amazon order pages in.. USA     Canada     U.K. & Europe (all deliver worldwide)

 
Soul Connections
 
"How Could Anyone?"  is a very special song that can help us to heal the wounds caused by toxic people. Sometimes it can even help us to heal the relationship...

When we sing the song to ourselves it is a reminder that we are much more than our wounded child - we are a soul that has eternal life and experiences many lifetimes. This puts our present pain into a less overwhelming perspective. Some people would go even further and say that our soul has even planned for us to have certain "growth-stimulating" or "soul-awareness-awakening" experiences in our lifetime.

When we sing the song to a friend who has been wounded, it is a reminder to them of the deep connection between us. Knowing that we have at least one soul-mate sharing our life journey with us can restore our faith in life and in human relationships.

When we sing the song to someone who has hurt or drained us (now we're getting into really challenging stuff!) it is reminder that underneath their dysfunctionality they are a soul on a journey just like us. Their toxic dysfunctionality is building up a karmic debt i.e. consequences. The longer they get away with draining or hurting others, the more entrenched their behaviour will become and the more suffering they will endure when "pay-back" time arrives. This was, for example, the mindset that the Christian prophet Jesus had in mind when he said (of the toxic people who had betrayed and crucified him) "Lord, forgive them - for they know not what they do".

 

Soul Connection! Popular Resources (constantly updated reading lists opening in a new window)   UK & Europe     Canada     USA (all deliver world-wide)

 

Interpersonal Toxicity Skills: Psychic Protection
 
Management of Burnout: Article & Courses
 
Soul Connection Meditations & Workshops